How Do You Start Functioning?
Yesterday I took a walk. I'm a pretty private person and most of my conversations go on in my own head. Now, it seems all I can do is talk with my baby, my Heather. I told her how sorry I was that I didn't see the pain that was tearing her apart. I only saw the healing love that poured out of her into everyone she met.
We set up in area in our apartment for Heather - to keep a part of her with us. We have this old bookshelf - can't say it's very pretty - just painted this ugly brown. Yesterday, I started sanding it down. We are going to refinish it and make it beautiful for her. She was such a talented artist. I don't know how we are going to do her proud of our work, when all I want to do is reach out and ask her to put the beautiful finishes touches on it.
We don't have much of her artwork. She usually got rid of it - she wouldn't even sign her work because she didn't think it was good enough - and it is more than good enough - they are so beautiful that you can see her talent pour through. We don't even have this piece of her work because there was a little pinhole in it so she got rid of it - all that remains is this image of it.
I know Heather doesn't want me to live my life stuck in limbo, it's just very hard to get out of it. Carter is a great help - he is really too young to feel like pain. He asks for her all the time but we do play and yes, that helps a lot too. I also know Heather does not want anyone to feel the way that she did.
Heather didn't think she could talk to anyone about this. She bottled it all up and I am here to tell you, don't bottle it up. I am certainly not a therapist, but if you are depressed, there are people that you can talk to. You don't have to feel embarrassed or ashamed. There are people that can help you. They won't laugh at you or tell your stories - they will help you deal with the depression. They will help you so that you don't leave a family and friends behind with a huge whole in their heart.
We set up a memorial fund in Heather's Name to help with Suicide Prevention. We do understand that not everyone can give, but we ask that you share our story. Together, maybe we can help save some more lives. When you go to the link below, you can click on all the resources that are available for the survivors of a loved one and those that are dealing with depression. This is a very real problem that our world faces today and one that we have to stop trying to hide in a closet. We have to let others know that there is hope. There can be peace in this world. Our hearts can be in peace. We don't have to leave others behind and take things into our own hands.
If you would like, we would appreciate any donations to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention by clicking here.