You Never Know What is Around the Corner

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a very hard day for me. I have to admit, I have the best kids a Mom could ask for. When my birthday comes around, they are my first text messages. Waking up and knowing that I wouldn't get a birthday wish from Heather hurt quite a bit. Each birthday wish that I received from someone (and there were quite a few) was like a knife to the heart, a reminder that I couldn't get one from Heather. We all miss her so much. While she was hurting inside, she made sure that everyone else had a good time.

My birthday wasn't too exciting. Carter and I played a bit in the morning and then he took an early nap. It wasn't too long of a nap, but it helped. Amy got out early and we had to go over to the Surrogate's Office for Heather's will. The office there made it very easy for us. They were very understanding and compassionate. I so appreciate that.

From there, we decided to go to Taco Bell for my birthday dinner. I have never met another person that got so excited about going there. They recently opened one near us so we went there - and I have to say, I won't go to that one again. The drive-thru line moves so slowly. We waited 20 minutes (behind 4 cars) to place our order. From there, it was another 9 minutes to pay and from there, another 3 minutes to wait for our food to be made. This wasn't really prime time for dinner - it was about 4:00 in the afternoon. They couldn't even be bothered to mark which wrap was which, so we had to open our sandwiches to see which was which. Anyway, that visit was awful. Next time to we go Taco Bell to share a meal with Heather, we will go to the other one we visit over in Pennsylvania. (We live where NJ meets NY and PA, so we aren't far from there.)

From there, things got a little better. We stopped by and visited with an old friend and their family. We didn't stay too long, but the visit was good. On the way home, I got a beautiful birthday present from Heather. No one really sang Happy Birthday yesterday. It just didn't seem right at the time. On our drives yesterday, Carter said Happy Birthday to me - actually he sang it to me. This is a new word for him and we figured Heather must have taught him.

When Heather was younger, the song Hey There Delilah came out. I mentioned to Heather that I liked the song. Well, she proceeded to make me listen to the song over and over and over again until I knew all the words in the song so we could belt it out together while we drove somewhere. On the way home, that song came on the radio. Amy and I did her proud by singing it. Okay, so I couldn't get all the words out through the tears, but we held each others hand and sang our hearts out. The tears that flowed were bittersweet tears. Tears of joy that I received such a beautiful gift from Heather, along with tears of sorrow that she wasn't there with us.

From there, when we got home, I received a beautiful card from one of my sisters. She told me things in that card  that I never knew about when I was younger. It brought tears to my eyes. Some of you may know that October was doubly hard for me as I lost my Mom the beginning of the month to Kidney Cancer. The first thing I wanted to do was call my Mom on the phone but I couldn't.

I ended up going to sleep early. It was a long day and I needed to get into my dreams, with the hope of seeing my daughter and my Mom. I had a beautiful dream, Heather was there with my Mom and my Pop Pop. I got hugs from them all  It was fantastic. I woke up about 4:30 in the morning and even though I tried to fall asleep to go back to visit with them some more, I only accomplished laying there for 3 hours. I couldn't find them again last night in my dreams. I miss them all so much.

As I said, the day started so hard, but it turned out to be the best birthday I could have asked for. I love you Heather. I love you Mom. I love you Pop Pop. I'm glad you are all together in peace. I know you all have other friends up there in Heaven with you, but thank you for giving me a great birthday. I miss you all. You all made my life so much better, just by being a part of it.


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