Showing posts from January, 2016

I Wish I Had Known

Those 5 words say so much. The tears say more. Heather, we all miss you so much. Life is just not the same. None of us wanted to ever lose you and none of us knew this was coming. I think about you everyday - that will never change. I don't know what to do anymore.

My world these days is a world I don't know anymore. I watch my grandson, Carter, while Amy works, and I look forward to sleep every day. I know it's probably not healthy, but my sleep has gone up. It's like I've been hibernating. I fall asleep and go into a deep sleep. I don't want to dream because I can't guarantee it will be a good dream. I know Heather won't ever come home again, but it doesn't mean that I don't look for her. I close my eyes and see her, but the Heather I see is gone.

I haven't  been writing on my blog because it's just been too hard. It's so hard to talk about my beautiful daughter, Heather. It's hard to accept that her life is over. I don't …

I Don't Want the Attention

So many times people are hurting and they won't let anyone know. Mental Illness becomes something to be embarrassed about instead of getting the help that is needed. The stigma attached to Mental Illness is real and needs to end. From what I have read, 1 in 5 people suffer from some sort of Mental Illness. Instead of trying to find ways to help all those in need, they try to hide the problem and try to make it go away quietly. That is not working. We need real revolution here. We need people to stand up and let them know that there is a way to slow down the rise of suicides and drug addiction.

My baby wasn't a drug addict, but she did choose to end her own life. If she hadn't committed suicide, most likely, she still would have ended her life through drugs. Either way, it's very hard. You see a life that is full of potential and they see a life that is slowly eating away at their soul. I wish I had done things differently, but Heather was great at hiding her true feel…

The Lies Will Steal Your Life

Lies are cruel. When you get stuck in your head, and you don't want to share anything, many times you will also start lying. Each little lie builds up on the next lie and the next lie and so on. The lies all pile up until the weight of all the lies builds up to a crescendo. Eventually, it could all lead to a huge explosion. This explosion could be suicide, this could be excessive drugs, it could be cutting, so many ways it could short out and all come crumbling down.

Part of mental illness is the lying that will happen. You don't want anyone to know how miserable you are feeling, so you just say you're ok. It happens so consistently until you are sure that you can't say it one more time. You can't lie one more time. Part of it is also the fear that you will say it out loud and someone will hear you. I'm not ok. People hide their pain in shame. They lie to cover it up. It is one of the saddest parts of a deadly disease - mental illness.

We need to share that t…

The Disease is Spreading

We all want mental illness to go away. Wouldn't that be great? The truth is, the disease is spreading and we have to do something ... sooner rather than later. At times we think that the disease is getting better, but in reality, people are just getting better at hiding the symptoms. The deaths from suicide continue at a very sad rate. While searching for worldwide rates of suicide, we are talking one suicide about every 40 seconds. Alarming? Yes! Sad? Very! Acceptable? No!

We all need to open up some real conversations with people. We need to spend less time texting away and more time opening talking. It's too late for Heather, for Isaiah, for Lisa, for way too many. They already made the decision to end their lives. It's not over for the problem, though. The problem is growing by leaps and bounds. We need to share more about mental illness and let people know that there is help.

How can we do this? We can talk. We can share information. I write on my blog and share my t…

Depression is Cruel

Depression can be one of the worst things you can experience. Depression can gradually suck the life out of you. Depression can leave you feeling so hopeless, so lost, so alone, that you feel like there is no reason to keep living. Depression can lie. Depression can be helped. Depression is not the end of the game.

It would be nice if you could just stick out your tongue, say ah, and magically have depression diagnosed and cured. It's not like that. The reality is that depression is not easy to diagnose. There are no tests or signs that are going to point to it and say ah-ha, we got this and we can easily cure it. The cure can be difficult. The first step is to accept it. Accept the lies and try to work through it.

You don't need to hide in shame because you just feel lost and so intensely sad that it is hard sometimes to even breathe. I think that is the biggest problem. People get ashamed and don't want to let others know how they feel. They feel like something is wrong…

Don't Let the Thoughts Get Stuck in Your Head

One of the scariest places in the world can be your own head. When it seems like the thoughts won't stop, when they keep turning in what seems like a tighter and tighter circles, you have to do something to turn them off. As it seems to grow tighter and tighter, the thoughts usually also turn more cruel until it can be unbearable. You have to find a way to step out of that vicious circle. There is a way out of that circle, you just have to work a little hard to find it and you can. It can take some energy to unwind all those thoughts.

One of the traits of mental illness is, basically, being a bully to yourself. Telling yourself all sorts of lies. You aren't good enough. Something is wrong with yourself. You don't have what it takes. No one likes you. The list goes on and on. Let me tell you right here and now - they are lies. You are good enough. Yes, you have an illness but there is help for that. You do have what it takes. There are so many people that not only like you…

Way Too Many People Choose Suicide

Every 12.3 minutes. Almost 5 every hour. Another loss of a good person to suicide. The rates are only going up so we have to do everything in our power to cut them back. Suicide is not the answer, but it is an ever increasing solution for the mental illness that is spreading through our society at a nightmare pace. The causes vary. Sometimes they are genetic, sometimes environmental, sometimes economic. The cause of the mental illness may vary, but so many times it ends in a devastating loss through suicide or overdose.

If we are going to have any hope of cutting back the number of suicides, we have to look at the cause behind it. While I said there were many causes, we can sum up majority of the causes through mental illness. So many times people try to sweep Mental Illness under the rug. We have to stop doing that and pull out a spotlight. Shine a bright light on the problem and let's work on a cure. Put down the electronic devices and let's start having some real conversat…

Don't Reach the Threshhold of Pain

When the pain overrides every other thought, that is when so many choose to end their lives. They have given up on hope. Hope is the one thing you can't give up on. When the pain is screaming through your pores, you have to find a way to release the pain. You can find help. You can find a way to work through the pain. You need to find the release valve and let some of the pain out so that you can breathe again.

Every person is different. Some just hide the pain, Some try to drown their pain with alcohol. Some try to get far away from their minds with drugs. The cause is still the same, pain. There are many common traits among those that choose suicide as their answer. How happy they appeared on the outside. How much they wanted to help others. How seeing pain in someone else's life just added more pain to their own hearts. How their physical appearance was something they felt they could control while not being able to control the pain. So many things to bring pain crashing do…

Put an End to the Pain

No one takes their own life without feeling overwhelming pain. The pain got to the point where it overrode everything else. The pain was too intense. Most times, the pain was held in. No outlet. If I could say one thing to someone thinking about taking their own life, I would tell you to try to talk to someone about it. Do not hold the pain inside. You won't make it.

So, you think there isn't anyone to talk to? Why do you think that there is no one to talk with? Have you seriously tried to look? Call 1-800-273-8255. 1-800-273-TALK. So, you think it's won't work and therefore, isn't worth even trying? You are wrong. Try! What's the worst that could happen? You will make the same decision? So, you have nothing to lose. Talk. If you can't talk about it out loud, that's ok too. Write it out and share it with someone that can help you.

Please, the choice to take your life is not the answer. The pain that those left behind feel is really unbearable. I have n…