Mother's Day came and in it's wake, the pain was in full force surrounding my heart and soul. It was so painful without my Mom and my daughter. I tried to share the emotions that were going on in my heart, but I just couldn't get anything more out than tears. I would say, this was the most painful holiday so far. Maybe that's because my birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas all came too close on the heels of our loss that it couldn't register. I don't know, but I do know that the pain was too intense for me.
If you ask me what I did this past week, I couldn't tell you. I played with Carter, I vegged out in front of a TV, I just tried to shut my mind down as completely as I could. Yes, I will admit that at one point, I remember thinking that maybe Heather's solution was my answer, but there is a big flaw in that thought. The pain I was feeling would have been added to the pain that my other daughters were feeling and that wasn't an option. I just had to keep reminding myself that we made a pact to never choose the route that Heather chose and it was hard.
Every day is a decision to keep on going. Every day I choose the right decision and keep on finding a way through the pain. One of those ways is to share. I am not sharing for attention, I am sharing so that you too can find your reason to always continue on. Keep going and you will find your path. No, I don't feel that Heather lived with thoughts of suicide every day, I can't believe that. Yes, I know it was always there as an option in the back of her mind. What you need to do is find your reason to never take that option.
I need each and every one of you to find your reason to always go on. To never take the path of suicide, to never take the path of drugs, to never take the path of alcohol to hide the pain you feel. It may seem like it's really hard to share your feelings and get the help that you need, but you have to realize the pain you will leave behind. Together, we can help stop the pain.
We have shared our book, both on the web and as a Kindle book on Amazon. We all ask you to do the same. Share, share, share. Together, we can let people know that Mental Illness is surrounding us all and unless we start sharing and hiding the stigma, more and more people that we love are going to leave us way too early. 1 in 4 people are suffering and the only way we are going to bring down the numbers of suicides and overdoses, is to let people know that they are not alone. Many others feel the same pain, but, by admitting the pain and seeking help, there is a way to not only just survive, but to prosper in this life. To feel pain free. To stop the pain!