Memories Bring Heather Even Closer

I wish I could make some more new memories with her. This was a pretty busy weekend, but I think we all had fun that day. We started the day by heading up to Cape Ann and going out for some whale watching. We ended up going down to almost Boston to see the whales, but it was a beautiful day.
After the whales, we headed here to spend some time with the Witches of Salem. We always tried to incorporate some history into our trips and they had a blast. Amy was so proud, she even got this huge pirate flag to hang in her bedroom. Thing still kept going with a trip to the Boston Aquarium and a walk on the Freedom Trail in Boston. By the end of that weekend, we were exhausted but it was so worth it.

It's so hard each time I think that there will be no more new memories. Since we have our photos all digitized, I randomly get to see all of them. Again, it's still hard, because each new photo that we add means that the photos with Heather in them will appear less and less. Never take your family and friends for granted. Take pictures all the time. Take videos and hear them laughing and joking around with you. Build your memories because you never know when it will be the last new memory.

I feel like a fraud at times for saying this, because in reality, I have no desire to go out most days. All I want is for Heather to come home and I can't have that. One of my new friends on Facebook had a beautiful picture of a wolf on her profile picture. I know Heather would have loved it and I did tell her to look at it. I told her to look at it while tears rolled down my face because I couldn't see her reaction to it. I couldn't hear what she would say to me. Those words were never coming again.

Heather's choice to take her life will never by my choice. The pain that ripped through our hearts was like none you ever want to experience. Never let suicide by your choice. The pain is worse than you can ever imagine. They call those of us that lost someone to suicide a survivor. In reality, we aren't surviving. Our lives were lost that day too. You have to figure out your new life. In reality, I can't really help you there because I don't have a new life. I still have the raw pain. I still see those state troopers coming into our home and telling us that Heather's life was over. We still feel the pain in our hearts from her loss.

Go take some memories today. You never know when those will be your last memories of someone dear to your heart.


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