Heather, Every day without you is painful. Every single day is a reminder that you are no longer with us. I can no longer hear your beautiful voice. I can no longer feel your arms wrapped around me. There are so many things I can no longer do. I can and will love you forever. You are forever in my thoughts. You are forever in my prayers. You are forever in my heart.
I treasure every picture I have of you. I look at them and I try to smile at the memories. You were my baby. Nothing will ever change that. A lot of times, there are posts shared on social media about how much we, as parents, truly love our kids. If your kid is the best, like and share this post. If you would do anything for your child, like and share this post. There are so many of them, and Heather, they are all true. Just because you are up in Heaven, it doesn't change my thoughts. You are my baby.
I wouldn't want to not see those posts, because it is a reminder that I have 3 beautiful daughters. I have 3 daughters with a heart of gold. They are beautiful inside and out. I would do anything for every single one of them and I know, those of you that are parents, would do anything for yours. But, do me a favor, also think of how blessed you are and how, whether suicide, overdose, accident, etc., you would feel if you could no longer see your child again.
People will ask me how I am doing. Some people tell me that I need to get better. I just know that every day is a learning curve for me. Every day I have to learn how to deal with not being able to be with Heather. Life is full of memories and I don't regret any of them. Because of each and every memory that I have, I am the person that I am. Yes, I wish I could have many more memories with Heather, but yesterday, I realized that I am also making new memories with her. New memories that were made with Heather when she was already an angel.
My birthday was about a month after Heather took her life. If you knew her, Heather was great at drawing. Well, we used to go to the movies as a family for my birthday (and Heather's). Well, we went and while I can't really remember too many details of the movie, I do remember on the way down to the theater, just asking Heather for a sign that she was at peace, that she was still here with us. Well, on the drive, the sunset was amazing. We both took it as a sign that Heather was painting us a beautiful sunset. And beautiful it was. The newspapers in the area even had photos of the sunset, because it was just that beautiful. For me, that was Heather - sharing a beautiful creation for all of us lucky enough to take time out of day to witness the beauty.
Yes, my baby is gone. Yes, I can't hug her anymore. Yes, I can still make memories. Yes, she is and always will be in my thoughts, just as my other daughters are in my thoughts. We all miss her and the ache in our hearts will never leave us, but she is still here with us. We all need to keep making memories, whether our children are with us ... or not.