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Showing posts from August, 2016

Rawr Means I Love You in Dinosaur

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Heather loved her dinosaurs. She would rawr at us now and then, because Rawr meant I love you in dinosaur. Needless to say, Jurassic Park was one of her favorite movies. The other night, I had such a vivid, weird dream, I actually woke up more tired than when I went to bed. It was a very restless sleep.

For some reason, in my dream, we stopped at a convenience store. No big deal. But the size of the store was like a Super Walmart but also 3 floors high. Okay, so that is a little weird, but it was so vivid. Oh, I forget to mention the really scary part. The place was full of velocirapators. Now some of the raptors were friendly (was very scary when one tried to hug me), but, some were not so nice but we made it out ok. Well, I don't really remember getting out, but I do remember the fear of being in there. I do remember the one big craw running down my back, adrenaline soaring as I thought I was about to be ripped in two and it was very gentle.

Anyway, as I said, it was very memor…

Death Is Final

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No matter how much I wish things could be different, Heather is gone and there is no going back. Every day it's a struggle not to spend my day in tears. But, each day I get up and try to function the best that I can. She's my baby, and when she was with us, I loved her so much. While she is gone, I still love her. I still miss her and I still worry about her. Has the pain left? Is she really at peace? I have to trust that she is.

When you lose your child, whether from suicide, overdose, an accident or even a serious illness, it is just so hard. Your heart still has all the love, but we can no longer hold them. We can't pick up a phone and ask them what's going on in their lives. They have no more life. They are now our angels.

I got to know Heather before she was even born. She was inside of me and I grew to love her more and more each day. I am still growing to love her more and more. Death doesn't change that. When I had Heather, I was so scared. Imagine, my thi…

Acceptance is the Hardest

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Heather is never far from our thoughts. We all miss her every day but we have to accept that nothing is going to bring her back to us. That is the hardest part of all. I beg to have her come back, but that doesn't work. She is gone and nothing I can do will bring her back.

I know I haven't been writing as much, and for that I am sorry, but each of these posts rip through my soul a little more. I just have to learn to accept things. Life is like that. I'm not just talking about death, I am talking about life. If something in your life is bothering you, change it. Heather didn't want to be in a world like we have today. She didn't see anything worthwhile. The part that Heather didn't get, and many of us, is that we suffer with some things in our life, but we don't take the steps to change things.

If something is making you miserable, stop accepting that as your life. Look at what you want your life to be. What is your dream life? What would make your life be…