Sunday, September 25, 2016
Tomorrow is Eleven Months
Eleven months. Heather is never coming home. As a Mom, I still love her. Death doesn't ease the pain. It's here with me for the rest of my life. I've heard many times over my life that there is no greater pain than a Mother having their child die. I thought I understood that pain. No one understands that pain until it happens to you.
I died the day that Heather took her life. I am a different person now. Then, I was a Mom that had 3 of the best daughters that I could ever ask for. Now, while I still have 3 daughters, I am also a Mom that talks about suicide. Yes, it is very hard to talk about suicide. Not talking about it is harder. We all need to talk about it - talk about it NOT being the answer.
You become more attuned to talking about death. Hearing about death. Hearing simple comments that people don't think mean anything. You hear people that are having a really bad day mumble "I just wish I was dead!" How about the person that just had a huge fight with you and say, "I wish you were dead!" I know each time I hear those words, my only thought is, "No, you really don't!" Talk about it instead!
You hear of other people that have died and people will say, "They died unexpected. No cause of death. People are ashamed of it! We have to stop that! Until we stop being ashamed and actually talking about, nothing is going to change! When someone takes their own life, they really don't want to die. They just want to stop hurting. They hear others say the same things that you hear. "I want to die" "I wish they were dead."
Heather didn't want to talk about it. I know this. She told us in a note. She didn't think people would believe her. She thought people would think she was just seeking attention.We need to stop the Heather's of the world from taking their lives. We have to let people know that their is nothing to be ashamed of. Today, more and more are taking their own lives. We need to share that they did and tell others that they could still be here if only we would talk openly.
I wish I talked about it more. I wish I talked more about the problem before I lost Heather. I didn't. I didn't know. That is not an excuse. We talked about and we shared the reason. Not because we wanted the attention for ourselves, but because we wanted attention given to the cause of death. By talking about it openly, we are sharing that it is not something to be ashamed of! It is a real problem faced by many. You can read the statistics - what is it - 1 in 5? 1 in 4? It really depends on whose stats you are looking at.
If you hear about someone that took their life, talk about it. Share it with those you love and let them know that you wish they knew that there was nothing to be ashamed of. Let them know that there is help around and they just have to ask for it. If they don't know where to go, do a simple search on your phone and it will show you what is near you. There are people to talk to. Nothing is worth their life. Let those that you love know that you would do anything for them if they were hurting like that. Maybe, just maybe, you will never be where we are now. Now, we still talk to Heather, but we can never hug her again. Do everything you can to make sure that this does not happen to you!