Starting Our Second Year With Our Angel

It's now just past a year since we lost Heather to suicide and life is definitely different now. We haven't been able to "see" Heather for over a year now and I still picture her the same. I love all my daughters and death hasn't changed that. I couldn't imagine my life without them I guess that is what makes this so hard. I don't have to imagine anymore. One of my beautiful daughters will always be out of the pictures we take now.

The first year is supposedly the hardest. I would say the hardest months were, well, all of them, but the hardest two were the first month and the last month of the year. I was a little bit surprised at how much the last month really threw me for a loop. It seemed October rolled in and the pain was back in full force. I think it's the hardest because you realize that there will be no more new memories, no more ... "What's it going to be like without Heather" questions. The answer is, it's going to be awful. Every time we get together, there is going to an empty seat at the table. A silent voice in the conversation.

I have met quite a few people that have lost their family members - the children, their siblings, their partners - too many to name. For those that have and are feeling the pain, I wish there was something I could do for you. I wish I could wave a magic wand for all of us and bring our loved ones home. I wish we could have ended their pain long before they were gone. Unfortunately, we can't change what they have done.

We can still help end the pain. We can share our stories. We can take suicide out of the darkness and shine a light on a problem that is getting worse instead of better. Speak up. Tell others that if they are hurting, you would much rather help them get the help they need to end their pain. Tell others that their lives mean something to you. Tell others they have value - they have worth. They would be missed forever if they were out of their lives.

I wish I said it more. I try to say it more often. Writing these posts are probably some of the hardest things I have ever written, but I hope that by sharing our pain with Heather, that more will realize that this is not an option.  Let's try to make the world a little better for those that we love. Let's build people up. That sounds like a much better world.


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