Showing posts from January, 2017

Believe in Yourself!

It seems like the world is full of people who just can't take the pressures anymore. Each day I seem to open up new posts about more leaving our world. Heather had so much talent. I wish she had believed in herself more. She couldn't see her own talent. I wish we had more of her drawings, but most of the time, she was grabbing chalk and coloring with Carter.

No matter who you are, no matter where you are, know one thing! You are worth it! You are worthy of being here. If there is one thing I wish I could undo, it would be Heather's suicide. Every day I miss her so much. I do understand she was in pain and that she felt like she couldn't talk to anyone. I can't do anything to change that. I will tell all of you that I will always listen to you. Please, do not take the route that Heather took. You don't know the people that are going to suffer the rest of their life with the pain. It doesn't go away.

I have been trying to figure out if I should even keep thi…

Heather Didn't Want To Live In This World

As I look around at the different things going on in this world, I can totally comprehend why Heather didn't want to live in this world. Granted, I wish I could have stopped her, but it was her decision and there is no undo button in life.

This past weekend, for the most part, I had to shut down social media.I just couldn't take it anymore. We had the largest gathering I have ever heard about, scattered around the USA, for women's rights. I had such hopes for this gathering. However, I had to shut it off. While the leaders of this gathering could have been proud and used this gathering to enable real change, instead, it was mostly spent trashing our new President and asking for his resignation. Really? Those are the changes you want? How about equal pay? Well, let's see, the majority of the speakers were from Hollywood and to be honest, you couldn't get the furthest from equal pay there. Oh yes, they work so hard - sometimes 18 hour days. Of course, they deserve m…

Losing a Child is a Pain Like No Other

As a parent, I can tell you my worst experience in life was losing my daughter. No parent should have to go through this. There are so many causes of death that it is overwhelming. I didn't just lose my daughter to an accident. I lost my beautiful daughter Heather by her choice. She decided that she no longer wanted to live in this world and ended her own life.

Every day since then I question what I could have done to change this. What I could've done to keep having Heather in the world with us. Yes, she was hurting and yes, she hid her pain, but knowing that doesn't ease my pain. The end of her life doesn't mean the end of thinking about her all the time and worrying about her. If anything, it emphasizes the loss that much more.

I have been told to move on, get rid of her things and just forget about it. Yeah, like that could ever happen. I still look at her things. Yes, sometimes it brings tears to my eyes, but sometimes, it brings a smile. I look at the drawings th…

Open a Dialogue Today

So many say that the holidays and January are top months for suicide. According to everything I have heard and read, Spring is the highest time. Now is the time to take action and start a conversation with the people we know and love, before it's too late.

Suicide rates are way too high. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the USA. You can read more statistics like this by visiting The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. (I'm not affiliated with them at all. I know know they do some really good things for Suicide Awareness.) Anyway, with the statistics the way they are, chances are that you know someone that has taken their own life.

Have you ever felt that way? (If you have, I'm glad you are still here reading this!) Talk about it. It used to be taboo to talk about cancer. Now, people have learned that by talking about it, there can be more and more help. By hiding suicide and not talking about it, the spread is getting worse. Anyway, instead of just sa…

Suicide Hurts Those Left Behind, Sometimes with Deadly Consequences

The pain of learning that your child ended their own life is a pain I hope you will never know. People say that you will eventually "get over it". That is the furthest thing from the truth. You never "get over it". You have to learn how to deal with the constant pain and move forward, always forward.

It's not unusual to hear stories of others following friends and family to the grave by suicide. That is so sad. One death is one too many. Multiple deaths are just too sad. I know I have come close a few times, except for the fact that I made a mutual promise with my daughters. None of us would take that route. The pain is too intense. Right now, whether you know someone that has taken their own life, make a promise to your friends and family - a mutual promise - that none of you will take that route.

It seems like funerals really do go in cycles, but those cycles are spreading more and more. I was talking to one friend, he just lost another friend to suicide thi…

I am Thankful for My Girls and Grandson

A new year has begun and I am in the process of making changes. Nothing changes until then, so no time like the present. There are certain things I have to accept before I can move on. The first is that no matter how much I wish it to be different, Heather will never walk through our door again and throw her arms around me. That's something I just will never stop wishing. The second and the hardest is that this pain doesn't go away.

As a Mom, I love all my daughters and my grandson. They all hold a special place in my heart and that place will never change. The pain that radiates from my heart from the loss of Heather doesn't go away, but I have to learn how to function through the pain. People have said that it is early, it will get better, it won't be as bad. I don't see that. I see the pain as constant. But, on the other hand, I have to learn to accept the pain will always be there and I will use that pain to try to make the world a better place.

I have been bl…