Saturday, January 14, 2017

Losing a Child is a Pain Like No Other


As a parent, I can tell you my worst experience in life was losing my daughter. No parent should have to go through this. There are so many causes of death that it is overwhelming. I didn't just lose my daughter to an accident. I lost my beautiful daughter Heather by her choice. She decided that she no longer wanted to live in this world and ended her own life.

Every day since then I question what I could have done to change this. What I could've done to keep having Heather in the world with us. Yes, she was hurting and yes, she hid her pain, but knowing that doesn't ease my pain. The end of her life doesn't mean the end of thinking about her all the time and worrying about her. If anything, it emphasizes the loss that much more.

I have been told to move on, get rid of her things and just forget about it. Yeah, like that could ever happen. I still look at her things. Yes, sometimes it brings tears to my eyes, but sometimes, it brings a smile. I look at the drawings that she did and I see such talent. Talent that no one else will ever enjoy. I look at her books and I see some of her adventures that she went on in the written words. I look at her photos and wonder what her future would have held for her. Mostly, I wonder what I could have done differently, not only so that she would still be in my life, but so that my other two daughters and my grandson won't take the same path and end their own lives.

I know we have all vowed never to take Heather's solution to the world's problems that she felt on her shoulders. Knowing that doesn't stop the worrying. Talk to your kids while you still can. Talk to your parents while you can. If you are hurting and thinking of ending your life, please don't. Talk to someone and get the help that you need.

If bills are overwhelming you, talk to a debt or credit counselor. If your job leaves you frustrated all the time, look for a new job! Perhaps, go take some classes and change careers completely. Do something - do anything - except take your own life. Some people say it's too hard to talk about - no one will understand. Yes, they will. We all have to stop hiding our burdens from each other and working together to make the world a better place for all of us.

If you ever need to talk, please feel free to message me. I will always offer an ear to anyone that needs it. No one needs to lose a child. No one needs to lose anyone by choice. Let's stop hiding our problems and let's start working towards a solution. The only place to start is with ourselves. Please have a good day and the days that aren't so good, find someone to talk it over with. No one will judge you. If they do, most likely, they are just judging themselves. So, get over it and work on building the life that you want. Remember, you are in control. You can change what bothers you. Don't leave others in the world like myself and my girls that know daily what it is like to lose someone by suicide. It's a pain that doesn't go away. Let's show each other compassion.