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Showing posts from March, 2017

I Had a Dream That I Got to Talk With My Daughter Again

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I woke up yesterday and I had a wonderful dream. Heather chose to die by suicide on 10/26/15 and everyday since then, I miss her terribly. In my dream, I was talking with Heather. Well, it wasn't really talking but images and sensing what she was telling me and it was amazing. This entire dream was a gift that I cherish.

She told me that she couldn't stay long, she had to go get a special tattoo. I told her I would go with her and she told that I couldn't go where she had to go for it. Now, if you don't know my daughter, she had some special tattoos that she loved, so it's nice to think that she can still enjoy them. Anyway, she said she had to go to Burger King and see an old friend. Her friend had gotten hooked on heroin, like so many others. Through Heather's friendship with her, she got this girl into rehab and clean. She wanted to tell her that she had to stay strong and clean and that she was still watching her.

Now, if that was the only part of the drea…

Heather Chose to Die by Suicide

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Heather didn't want to live in this world anymore. She made the decision, and no matter what all of thought, this was her choice and it was the wrong choice. Death by suicide is a decision and no matter what you feel, this is not a decision to make. There is help out there. It may be tough, but there is help out there and this doesn't end your pain. It just transfers that pain to those living with your decision.

The pain of losing Heather doesn't go away. As her Mom, I feel it all every day and I will feel this pain for the rest of my life and this is no cure. Her sisters will feel that pain. They will never all be together again to make silly faces with each other. To talk with each other. To cry with each other. Nothing can undo her decision. I would do anything to have her back, but there is nothing I can do to change her decision.

I do understand that she didn't want to live in this world. The world is awful these days. People feel entitled. Racism is rampant. Pol…

Homemade Milano Cookies

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When old friends reappear in your life, it's time to smile. Recently, I saw Peggy again. Peggy, Julie and Jaye were 3 great girls that used to hang out with us at one of the barns. Now, the barn is a nursing home, but the memories that flashed through my mind after seeing Peggy were wonderful. Thank you for sharing that!

Anyway, she shared these great looking cookies and I asked for the recipe. She told me I could share it so here it is! Enjoy!

1-1/4 cups butter
1 cup shortening
1-1/4 cups confectioners sugar
1/2 tsp Salt
3 c flour
3 egg whites

Mix first 5 ingredients then add egg whites and bake at 350 for 15-20 min.

I dip them in : 1 c chocolate chips 2 T corn syrup 1 T butter 2 T water Melt 30 seconds in micro Stir and add 1 t vanilla Blend well Dip in chocolate and sprinkles


Be the Change in the World

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One of the things that Heather emphasized in her suicide note was that she didn't want to be in this world. While the thought of never seeing her again tears my heart out, even after over 15 months, I can either just agree with her or make the changes in myself that I want to see. When my girls were little, I did my best to be my best me. Kids learn by example, so I tried to lead by example. Unfortunately, over time, I gradually accepted the worst in the world as our reality. Shame on me!

Let's do a little reality check. I know I think the world is a pretty crummy place to live. I know that Heather agreed with me. She literally told us that in her suicide note. How many more of us agree that the world could use some massive improvements? Are our politicians going to change the world and make it a better place? (OK, you can stop laughing now at that thought.) We have all come to know, for the most part, our politicians are basically out for themselves. I, personally, fear that…

Teach Your Children Well

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Today, we need to equip our children to handle the world as it is now. We need to teach them to be prepared. I've heard people complain that the parents today aren't even teaching their youngsters to cook and sew. Many of them barely know how to do this today. Why? Well, with the economy the way it is, many are working more and more hours. Quite a few parents are working two jobs to put food on their table, a roof over their heads and to pay the bills. The weekends are filling with sports teams and other extra-curricular activities.

A lot of the education that is needed by the youth of today is not covered in school at all these days. Most of the classes that are offered today and based on the idea that everyone is going to go to college. Seriously, how many of you ever use that algebra that you had to take? How many of you can still speak the foreign language classes that you had to sit through. We need to offer shop classes, we need to teach them self-esteem, we need to tea…