Sharing the loss of my beautiful 22 year old daughter, Heather, to mental illness and suicide. This came out of the blue and there is hope. Suicide doesn't stop the pain. It just transfers the pain to someone you love and care about. If you are in crisis, in the USA, call the
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or
Text Free 24/7 a day - START - to 741-741
One of the main things that got me through the loss of Heather was what I call my fog. This picture was taken about 2 years ago. Heather was still with us and it was right before Carol moved to Florida. The way the rays from the sun hit my girls and Carter, well, now it makes me think of a painting another friend of mine did for me after losing her.
Back to the fog. I think one of the main benefits of the fog was that it got me through the hardest events in my life and still remain whole. Well, as whole as I could ever hope to be. These days, it seems like the fog is leaving me and I feel like I am back at square one all over again, but this time, there is no fog to help me. I cry for no apparent reason. I have problems falling asleep again. I close my eyes and I go back to the image of Heather when she was in the funeral home before her cremation. It's awful. I really don't want to talk to anyone. I just want some time alone. I need to grieve.
Do you question everything you have ever done and wonder if you could have changed the outcome? This is a picture of my beautiful daughter Heather a couple of years ago with my grandson, her nephew. Carter loved playing with Aunt Yaya. (He couldn't say Heather, so he renamed her to Yaya.)
Heather was 22 years old in this picture. She worked in a community residence for developmentally disabled adults, was taking classes at the local community college because she wanted to become an EMT. Heather would do anything for anyone. Heather's heart was made of gold. She was always smiling, was always there when we did anything with the family, would play with Carter all the time. The list goes on and on.
What if ... life continued? What if she didn't decide on 10/26/15 that life was too cruel. What if she didn't decide that this wasn't a world she wanted to be in? What could I have done differently? Did I miss the signs? I can see some of them now. She was always tired, bu…
I have to admit, this post had taken quite a bit our of me and I really needed some time after I finished writing it. Take some time this weekend and be thankful for the Moms and Dads in your life, be thankful for each and every child. Life is precious.
Danielle has a great site and shows you various methods that you can do to save money! Hey, that's important to all of us. No one wants to spend more than they have to! Anyway, go visit the article there and be sure to share it with your friends. Everyone needs to know that suicide and mental illness are good to talk about. We all need to Help Stop The Pain that is can be deadly to so many.
As Mother's Day approaches, I am really feeling the pain of losing Heather. I feel so sad that she isn't with me, and while I love all my girls and don't want Mother's Day to be depressing for them, I found out that there is a holiday just for us Moms. You know, the Moms that lost their sons and daughters way too early. The Moms that lost their children to suicide like me, or an overdose, an accident, an illness - all those lives are precious and I know so so many Moms that are really hurting as Mother's Day approaches.
These are my beautiful daughters, in one of the last pictures I will ever have of the 3 of them together. There is no redoing the picture, Heather isn't here anymore. There will be no text message from her. There will be no flowers. No phone call. No hug. Just tears for me as I miss my baby. Maybe by letting out all my pain on this day, I will be able to enjoy Mother's Day a little bit. I don't see how because I miss her every single da…
May is Mental Health Awareness Month and I am going to take the month and do a series on 13 Reasons Why. There will be spoiler alerts because I am planning on going through each episode - including the final episode where the creators of this series talk about the whys, etc.
Once I give the summary of the episode, I will be sharing my opinions on what the episode means to me, after losing my daughter to suicide. In this day and age, awareness is so important and there is no better awareness than to share our painful story. Things effect us different ways. My life is sort of a before Heather took her life and after Heather took her life. I have to admit, I don't really remember too much day to day. Life has become one big blur.
There will be other posts throughout the month, but I will be sharing the 13 Reasons Why posts scattered throughout the month. I'm in the process of working on the first one now. Mind you, I am re-watching each episode (a little rough at times) and taki…