Sunday, May 7, 2017 is International Bereaved Mother's Day
As Mother's Day approaches, I am really feeling the pain of losing Heather. I feel so sad that she isn't with me, and while I love all my girls and don't want Mother's Day to be depressing for them, I found out that there is a holiday just for us Moms. You know, the Moms that lost their sons and daughters way too early. The Moms that lost their children to suicide like me, or an overdose, an accident, an illness - all those lives are precious and I know so so many Moms that are really hurting as Mother's Day approaches.
These are my beautiful daughters, in one of the last pictures I will ever have of the 3 of them together. There is no redoing the picture, Heather isn't here anymore. There will be no text message from her. There will be no flowers. No phone call. No hug. Just tears for me as I miss my baby. Maybe by letting out all my pain on this day, I will be able to enjoy Mother's Day a little bit. I don't see how because I miss her every single day. Something will happen or I will see something that she would love and I can't share it with her.
If you have a friend that is a Mom who lost a child before them, give them a hug. Let them know that you still think of their child. So many people disappear from your life after losing a child. Maybe it reminds them that there children are still there and by not thinking about it, they don't have to worry that one day they could lose a child. I know I never thought I would lose a child before me. It changed me, it changed my entire life. I'm no longer the person I was before.
Heather, if I could do anything to bring you back, I would. I'm tired of trying to hide the tears every day. I'm tired of feeling so depressed. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of being a Mom whose beautiful daughter is now an angel in Heaven. No, I won't join her before my time, but that doesn't mean I don't miss her with my entire heart and soul. Moms and their children have a special bond and when you can't reach out to that bond, it hurts. Plain and simple.
I've been trying to work on my blog this week and it's just really hard. All I want to do is crawl under the covers and cry. That's where I spent most of today and will probably spend part of tomorrow there too. Amy and Carter are running around and that's a good thing. Carol is down in Florida and I hope that she is having a great weekend. Sunday is my day with Heather. I'll chat with her, I'll cry, I'll look at some of her pictures. I'll play one of her silly games on her XBox 360.
So, while you are all running around and doing your things, think of the Moms that you know that may be hurting badly inside. Hug your kids, tell them that you love them, because one day you may know this pain and you can't do anything about it.