Each and Every Day for the Rest of My Life

Every day I wake up and feel the pain again of never seeing Heather again. Heather was such a beautiful person. She did her best to make everyone else happy, but she wasn't happy herself. You can't live life that way. It cost Heather her life and I miss her so much.

I wrote to you before about trying to increase your dopamine levels by what we eat and I have to say, it is helping some. It doesn't ease the pain, but it does help me get things done a little easier. I still have no desire to hang out with others. I know I have to work on that. It gets so hard just trying to deal with people. I think where we get together with a bunch of friends is the hardest. Heather was always there with us and now, she isn't.

Part of me feels very guilty. I know I should be more social but at the same time, so people really want someone dealing with such depression at a party? I tried on Memorial Day weekend when our neighbors had a BBQ. I basically spent most of the day inside our apartment. I think the only time I really was out with everyone was when too many were in our apartment and I needed to get away.

We all have to try to do our best every single day. Set some goals. I told you my one goal was to post every single day. Well, I am going to take the weekends off from the posts. 5 days a week is good. Yes, I will still share the giveaway posts but I can build them up during the week so that on the weekend, I can just share so that doesn't really take too long.

I have never enjoyed having my picture taken. I was always the one taking the pictures, and even there, eventually I even stopped taking pictures. I would make my kids the photographers and they always did a great job! Carter is gotten us into the Smile More channel on YouTube and it is giving me some motivation too. So, my next step is to work on my nerves for that. LOL I don't like having my picture taken and a video is soooo many pictures at one time!

As of right now, I don't have a video camera. Yes, I do have my camera on my laptop, and I will use that to start. First, though, is coming up with the nerve to hit record! LOL Public speaking was never my strong point. I guess I will have to try to think of it like I do my blog. When I share my thoughts, I figure no one is really reading it and it is just for me. While I accept that some people do look at the posts, I know more would look at the video. So, keep me in your prayers and maybe you'll be able to see the first time I actually share a vlog post too!


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