Happy Birthday Heather - I love you! Always!

Another birthday without you here on Earth with us. I have to say, I have the 3 best daughters in the world. Yes, Heather, you are included in that. I miss you so much! I don't know how I am going to live with this pain for the rest of my life.

I remember when you were born. We were all so excited when you arrived. You were (and are) perfect in every single way. I was so nervous something was going to be wrong but all was better than I could have ever hoped. Granted, I really don't like hospitals, but you were so perfect, we were on our way home hours after you arrived.

One of your favorite things to do was to pose. I think this is one of my favorite pictures. It's so funny to watch Carter. He doesn't do it as often as he used to, but he will still pose sometimes like this. He really loves you. We all miss you so much. I know I am supposed to think of happy memories with you, but all those happy memories are also tied into the memories that I have now without you. I will never stop missing you.

You were always so happy. You always so happy. You loved when we went swimming. You weren't the best swimmer, but that never stopped you. And again, you were posing your hand here too. Even sitting on the steps, there were your happy grin. I remember when you were on a "Queen" kick. You always waved like you were the Queen of England. Back then, you still believed you had the world by the tail. I always knew that you could do anything you set your mind to. I wish I knew when you gave up on yourself. I tried to tell you all the time how perfect you were and how smart and how strong. I wish you could have seen the person that we all saw.

Carter and I talk to you all the time. He loves you still and misses you all the time. He does get upset when Gammy cries tho, so I try not to cry when he is around. He still calls you Yaya, we all do. Like all of us, he just wants you to come home. I'm not sure if he really comprehends that there is no way we will see you while we are on this Earth except in our hearts, but one day, he will realize that and I know he will feel the pain from that. He was always so happy when you walked in the door.

Do you remember Williamsburg? Everyone else just stood for the picture, but not Heather. Let me wrap that flag around me and pose that way! LOL Even as a little girl, you had a smile for just about every person you met. You don't know how many lives you have touched by being here with us. I wish I had been a stronger person. I let other people break me and I wasn't everything I could be for you. For that, baby, I'm sorry. I'm trying to get better, and I thank you for that.

This was the best vacation. Chincoteague and Assateague Island gave me the strength to attempt to become me again. Even in the waves, you waved and posed. So many smiles all the time from you. You helped me more than you ever knew. It's so hard going through these pictures and knowing that there will never be any new ones of you. I will always remember that tuna fishing trip. You seemed to have so much fun and yet you got so seasick. Was all of that an act? Well, I guess it was an act then, but you were so proud, we all were, when you were helping the Captain bring that "small" 55 pound tuna to the boat. It was bigger than you! I hope your angel wings let you fly now. I also remember that 14 foot wingspan kites. They were literally lifting you off the ground it was so windy that one day.

You had a blast on that cruise to Baja, Mexico. OMG You had such a crush on the waiter there. LOL While your sisters are both sort of in shock that I stood where you told me to, we all knew where you told me to stand I was going to get soaked by that geyser. LOL Honey, I just have to tell myself that you had some good times too. I'm sorry I couldn't give you everything you wanted. I'm sorry I didn't know how much you were hurting.

You loved every animal you ever met. You really do have a heart of gold. Even Roxi misses you. I know Layla can drive you crazy at times, but maybe she isn't as hyper now. Give her a scratch for me and a good belly rub.

"Sand" sledding was a blast for you in New Mexico at White Sands Desert! I remember you had on a tank top and your first time down the hill, the sand went all over you and you decided you wanted to cover up a little to keep the sand out of your clothes. LOL I thought it was such a good day. While I have so many fond memories there, I also have to wonder if you were in so much pain back then. Hopefully, your pain gave you breaks and peace at various times. While I miss you so much now, at least I know you are pain free now.

I'm going to leave this "birthday" post here. I have so many more memories to share but I have a lifetime left to share them. There won't be any new ones (unless you come visit me in my dreams again.) Baby, I wish you the best birthday you can have. I wish we could spend it with you but for now, we can't. One day I am going to give you the biggest hug and kiss. Honey, one day that wrap-around hug is coming and I don't know if I will ever be able to let you go again.

I love you baby! Happy 24th birthday!


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